Friday, September 28, 2007

Books You Should Read to Have a Happy, Joyful Life (in order)

1) Song of Solomon
2) Oedipus Trilogy
3) Hamlet
4) Wuthering Heights
5) The Bell Jar
6) Love Burns: The Manga
7) Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
8) A Clockwork Orange (American version/British version without 21st chapter)
9) All the King's Men
10) The Short Stories of Ernst Hemingway (Esp. "Up in Michigan" and "The Short Happy Life of Francis MacComber")
11) The Great Gatsby
12) As I Lay Dying

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

For Country Music Fans;_ylt=AgESiRES6uU6.s904i8kFKyr0op4?slug=ms-paytonchesney&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

My First Broadcasting Experience
No, it was not like "Prairie Home Companion"...but it was pretty cool to crowd around a mic with another frosh and sprout out about sports for an extended period of time. I'm not going to lie, knowing that an enormous national audience of four mil- four people is listening to your regurgitation of the collective SI-ESPN-SG-TMQ-J opinion of the World Wide World of Sports (and by World-Wide we mean "American Football") is pretty damn cool.

Thankfully, the conversation didn't affect baseball at all (let's see: Reds=....) but there were a few times my informed opinion turned out to be a little less than kosher. Thankfully, none of the fou-three people who were listening were hardcore enough to care.

In any event, block off your calendar every Sunday from 7:00-8:30 so you can go running or something and listen to the smooth, sweet, dulcet tones of my voice.

Unless you bought the hype and got an iPod, in which case you're- [censored by the FCC].

Thursday, September 06, 2007

From a season preview at

Patriots at Jets: Time now to spice things up with a supermodel-laden drama, Tom Brady style.

As you probably know, Brady spent the off-season torn between two hotties. While ex-squeeze Bridget Moynahan carried Brady's baby, current flame Gisele Bundchen planned nuptials and publicly criticized her beau for spending too much time with Moynahan. Brady found himself surrounded by high-maintenance prima donnas with unrealistic demands for his time and attention. And that was before the Patriots traded for Randy Moss.

Brady certainly had a lot on his mind. Bundchen spent August trying on Dior and Chanel wedding dresses while finalizing guest lists. "They want to keep it small and simple," one Bundchen buddy told a tabloid. Presumably, that means Norv Turner is planning the services. Moynahan, meanwhile, moved from New York to Los Angeles to avoid paparazzi; Al Davis promptly sued her, claiming that Los Angeles is still his territory. A Bill Belichick student to the core, Brady made sure that the press didn't know the baby's due date: Moynahan was listed as "questionable" on the injury report from April through mid-August. Finally, the blessed moment came, and Brady was at Moynahan's side as she gave birth to a son. He was named John Edward Thomas Moynahan, which sounds like the Democratic presidential ticket in 2012.

At least Brady knew what to expect from Uncle Eric Mangini as a shower present. Mangini is a big fan of those "Build Your Baby's Brain" CDs. He even started pumping Mozart into Jets film sessions to get his players to focus better. The classical concepts are seeping into the team's system: they will now use an "Allegro" offense for two-minute drills but switch to a "Lento" offense when nursing a lead late in the game. Mangini hopes the Mozart therapy can help the Jets improve in a variety of areas, including the run defense, which ranked dead last in the league in DVOA last year.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

57 Rules for Being a College Football Fan

Topical, yes, hilarious, yes.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I didn't make it.

But I got to see two very good comedians and performers. So it was worth the time.

Maybe they have intramural improv.

Monday, September 03, 2007

I was wondering why college seemed to be more than a little breezy compared to the heavyweights of high school- just disorientation (literally-damn frat parties- and figuratively), a little homesickness, and a little alienation (OK, a lot of alienation, and did I mention the damn frat parties are AlienNation?). Then I realized that this isn't the "real" college experience: the weather is still warm, we're only just doing our first lab, clubs haven't started, my friends back home haven't started yet...

When fall turns to winter (you know what I'm talking about) it's going to come like an icy shower on a Monday morning, all the pain and humiliation I've banked away or mortgaged coming back with the rebound effect of an entire year (10 months until it'll be two exactly since it's early tuesday morning) that I stole away.

Some say my world will end in fire, and some say in ice. Either way, it's going to suck like the mohr pipet I have to learn to use tomorrow morning at 8:30.

For those of you who are a little upset over this post, having expected to find comedy, I apologize. I just wanted to have a written record of this lovely Emo (now with 25% more angst!) feeling so that when I forget it and finish off my blissful soap bubble dream life and return to reality, I won't be surprised, because I'll know that at least for one short period of time I knew it was coming.

Thank you. We apologize for the inconvenience, and will soon return to our regularly scheduled irreverency (and I'll post a report of my disastrous DUI tryout tomorrow)

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Sunday Sunday football football....

Yes, I did go to the game on Saturday, and yes, I did see my school's hope of a one-win season evaporate (along with Michigan's...), and no, it was nowhere near as good as I feared. Imagine a stadium slightly larger than Nippert, hosting a game between West Hi and Amelia. Then imagine fewer fans. That's kind of what it was like.

When someone got hurt [from our own team!!!!], I raised my one finger into the air in support, and NOBODY ELSE DID. That's how much of a basketball school we are. Also, instead of yelling or chanting for kickoff, we rattled keys. It was terrible.

I miss home.