Thursday, September 06, 2007

From a season preview at

Patriots at Jets: Time now to spice things up with a supermodel-laden drama, Tom Brady style.

As you probably know, Brady spent the off-season torn between two hotties. While ex-squeeze Bridget Moynahan carried Brady's baby, current flame Gisele Bundchen planned nuptials and publicly criticized her beau for spending too much time with Moynahan. Brady found himself surrounded by high-maintenance prima donnas with unrealistic demands for his time and attention. And that was before the Patriots traded for Randy Moss.

Brady certainly had a lot on his mind. Bundchen spent August trying on Dior and Chanel wedding dresses while finalizing guest lists. "They want to keep it small and simple," one Bundchen buddy told a tabloid. Presumably, that means Norv Turner is planning the services. Moynahan, meanwhile, moved from New York to Los Angeles to avoid paparazzi; Al Davis promptly sued her, claiming that Los Angeles is still his territory. A Bill Belichick student to the core, Brady made sure that the press didn't know the baby's due date: Moynahan was listed as "questionable" on the injury report from April through mid-August. Finally, the blessed moment came, and Brady was at Moynahan's side as she gave birth to a son. He was named John Edward Thomas Moynahan, which sounds like the Democratic presidential ticket in 2012.

At least Brady knew what to expect from Uncle Eric Mangini as a shower present. Mangini is a big fan of those "Build Your Baby's Brain" CDs. He even started pumping Mozart into Jets film sessions to get his players to focus better. The classical concepts are seeping into the team's system: they will now use an "Allegro" offense for two-minute drills but switch to a "Lento" offense when nursing a lead late in the game. Mangini hopes the Mozart therapy can help the Jets improve in a variety of areas, including the run defense, which ranked dead last in the league in DVOA last year.

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