Dreams of Being a (Bad) Hero
A lot of people dream of being heroes in all sorts of ways, for all sorts of reasons. The "Hancock"-esque nature of these dreams is something we don't always like to talk about...So here's my dream:
I've always been blessed with things I don't deserve, and many of those things I wish I could have used better. One of my little fantasies is to win the lottery and give all the money (save for a little bit) away...as anonymously as possible, so when I went to present the checks to the organizations they can coo and tell me what a good person I am and generally inflate my ego. Also, it would definitely give me a HUGE boost in improving my "game", especially with those hot liberal-environmentalist-feminist-activist girls that I am apparently deathly attracted to...
Here's how it would go down:
Assuming, of course, that I can dream big in this fantasy, let's say I play Powerball and win $50,000,000 (Fifty Million Dollars) with the lump-sum payment (I have no idea what the difference is between the lump-sum and the annuity payments but let's say $50 million). The moment that money entered my checking account, it would go out to:
-$20,000,000 to my Alma Mater, with the requirement that at least 50% of it go to establishing scholarships/financial aid and recruitment for underpriviledged students: This is a big one. Building a pipeline that does not consist of rich white Catholic kids will do wonders for my old school.
-$10,000,000 to the JDRF, for Diabetes research: To prove something to myself/exorcise demons.
-$10,000,000 to the Boys and Girls Club where I used to volunteer: I never did anything worth a damn for them other than yell at kids; maybe this will buy me some absolution.
-$5,000,000 to Miqlat/Bowy House: Even with the dollar being weak, this will still buy a lot of aid (no pun intended) in South Africa.
-$1,000,000 to the Jewish Community Center where I used to volunteer, with the requirement that at least $10,000 is used to buy a copier with a collating function: I once spent an afternoon collating 150 copies of the 30-page newsletter the JCC sends out. It was terrible. May this gift somehow keep another poor intern from having to do the same.
-$1,000,000 to the Tin Roof Foundation
-$1,000,000 to the Red Cross
-$1,000,000 to Appalshop
-$500,000 to my university: Those bastards have so much money it's not even funny. You don't get 7 figures from me.
-$50,000 for my father's wristwatch: My dad has always wanted to own a really, really classy European watch but can't bear the thought of sinking this much money into it. Well, now he can.
-$50,000 for the Intervarsity Scholarship fund at my university: As much as I grumble about them, they are doing good things for people
-$50,000 to bring all my mom's sisters together for a big family reunion: I'm not really sure what they would want to do, but this might help get them together...
-$50,000 to the chapel at my school
-$50,000 to the church that rejected my mom's side of the family: again, to prove a point
-$40,000 to my brother's band fund: on the condition they never come by my house again to solicit money.
-$200,000 for my brother's college tuition: so he can go wherever he wants
-$10,000 to send my little brother to E3 in May: Because this is the only thing that will really make him happy.