Glossary of Terms
Here are some useful words and phrases to remember when reading this blog:
"Chupa 2 Bad", as in "This test was Chupa 2 bad": Something so terrible that it approaches the awfulness of Chupacabra Dos: Dios Ayudenos, one of those movies that's so bad it's funny, except it's not funny.
"But we didn't even put down the barbarians!": A reference to AJ's infamous boardgame, which, much like Duke Nukem Forever, is perpetually being upgraded with brilliant new features but will probably not be released. Ever.
"I can't stop dancing": One of J's many, many, many different catchphrases, often preceded with "This sucks, but..."
"HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qttBPCVQsc8
"The Blacklist": A hypothetical list containing various films/sounds/books/activities which are forbidden for the holder since they contain too many painful memories from previous relationships.
"Orange Eve": The night before J's (100*n)th day of wearing an item of orange clothing every day.
"The Cuteness Rule": You and your partner should be on the same level of cuteness or a negative level of cuteness. The ultimate litmus test, of course, is if you show someone a picture of the two of you together. If their immediate reaction is:
"That's a cute picture of you [and your gf/bf/whatever]": you're cuter than your loved one. No worries.
"Aww, you guys are so cute together": same level of cuteness. Be careful; this could be a warning sign.
"Aww, she/he's really cute": She/he is at least one level of cuteness above you. Start counting your days.
"Hrmm. [Internally: I can't believe you're tapping that]": Two levels of cuteness above you, and you're screwed. Get a good divorce lawyer/friend on retainer.
"To Sketch": A verb meaning to make someone feel simultaneously guilty, naughty, sexually violated, titillated, flirted with, and creeped out. Also compare with the term "sketchiness". Note that being sketchy is a mostly verbal/perceptual art, and requires a strict no-contact policy.
"IFMEH"/"IFGAH"/"IFEM"/"IFKERR"/"IFKATH" etc. etc.: State secret, sorry.