Sunday, October 18, 2009

WARNING: A Pun-Based Post

So, a hundred and eighty-five velociraptors walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"

The velociraptors order 185 Budweisers.

While the bartender is busy trying to put together that many Buds, he starts grumbling about Belgian beers. The velociraptors ask, "What did you say?"

"Oh," says the bartender, "I'm just p'oed that the globalization movement has caused a beer that should rightly be made and drank and owned by Americans to be owned by the BELGIANS."

The velociraptors take a smooth sip, in unison. Then, one of them steps forward and says gently, "It's alright. Your fear of foreign-owned companies owning and operating traditionally American-themed products stems from an outdated mindset dating back to the 16th and 17th century idea of mercantilism, and the even more outdated mindset of the zero-sum game, which has been around since the dawn of mankind. But don't worry. Mercantilism said that there was only so much gold (value) in the world, and countries should trade only to gain more gold; after a while they wouldn't trade anymore. But capitalism, in its purest form, doesn't rely on gold, but the value created by the *trading* of gold. That's how a piss-poor island with funny accents and an inability to brush properly became the greatest empire the world has yet to forget about, and managed to crush the dreams of Napoleon and Hitler: trade, and motion. Motion is important. The motion of people from place to place and information from place to place is now the dominant modality of the global economy. It doesn't matter who owns the beer, only how it gets from place to place and who collects the money for it along the way. Everything is always in motion, my friend, the economy, and the future."

The bartender says, "Wow. That's really deep. You guys have a great perspective on things."

The velociraptors shrug and say, "What can we say? Our vision is based on movement."