Thursday, September 30, 2010

Ahh, Jocks

From a message board I frequent:

1961, Freshman year and I'm taking my meals in the cafeteria for Park and Baker Halls. A large folding door closes off one room and it turns out to be the sitting area set aside for the football team and those guys are not on the same meal plan. They go through a separate line and emerge with porterhouse steaks or slabs of rib roast that cover the plate, foil wrapped baked potatoes the size of your Chipotle, salad bowls that look like your mom's mixing bowl and then they disappear into the closed off room.

Once they're seated the noise (which consists of shouts, belches and boisterous laughter) from this room drowns out the chatter in our section of the dining hall.

This goes on through most of the season and then one night before the Wisconsin game I'm sitting there eating my roast beef in gravy along with five or six fellow pencil necked freshman geeks (not Greeks) when suddenly, inexplicably, the noise from the secret room stops, an eerie silence falls about the place and holds. One of my friends then shouts, "More wine for Polyphemous!" and the rest of us burst out laughing like it's the world's funniest joke (see Python, Monty, Worlds Funniest Joke Sketch).

From out of the still quiet, secret room emerges a scowling figure. He looks as if boulders had been stuffed inside his clothes, his neck is so thick that the bottoms of his ears are about an inch further out than the tops, his jaw looks like the bow of a battleship -- it's Iron Mike Ingram, nose tackle and baddest sonuvabitch on a team full of bad sonuvabitches. He steams right over to our table, "All right which one of you smart ass wise guys said that?"

We give up our comrade in the blink of an eye and Iron Mike fixes him with a steel cutting laser look, "I read that book too. That ain't funny." And then turns and stomps his way back into the athlete's cave.

The rest of us didn't breath for a minute or so and then very quietly took our trays back to the wash room and slipped away before Iron Mike and his buddies emerged.

1 comment:

VictorSpoils said...

Ahhh, a planeteer I see.